Oops…

Well that didn’t last long. Last night, I was caught by my mother.

I was going to go meet a friend of mine who knows about me being at the start of a potential transition. My car was unavailable since the roof had failed open (yes, it’s a convertible) so I had to take my mother’s car. I went upstairs to “get ready”, assuming she would take the car out of the underground parking while I was brushing teeth and putting on my binder, making sure it wouldn’t show.

I miscalculated.

She was waiting downstairs for me, so we could take the car out together. Obviously I freaked, because i’d managed to hide it before but only from a distance. I guess if I played it cool, she might never have noticed, but I didn’t know how that would turn out.

Within minutes, she figured it out, so my way of comforting her was to say I’d go change.

While I walked up the stairs, she yelled:

“i thought we agreed you were going to respect your parents while you live at home! “and then “it’s sick!”.

I pretty much expected the second one, but I have no idea why she said the first. Last time she used that phrase was when she found out i am attracted to women. She assumed that was a choice; my sexuality. Was she assuming that this too was a choice? Obviously I could choose to not wear the binder, and be less comfortable with myself, which is what I did after all.

Thus for the next week, I am meant to ” lie low”. Thankfully, I am leaving on Sunday for the UK. I am going for studies there and plan to present full time, to see whether I am indeed more comfortable to live as  a man, before I make any big decisions. Just need to swallow the bullshit till Sunday.

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