Stones

an·ger
/ˈaNGgər/
Noun
A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
Verb
Fill (someone) with such a feeling; provoke anger in.

It’s back.

The anger and frustration.

I can feel the darkness sitting on my chest, weighing me down like a stone. At first it was like a black cat resting on me, a barely noticeable presence, but now I feel it rise and heave with every breath.

It came unexpectedly.

Actually, that is a lie; I was angry with society since the party last week, and studying legislation about sexual offences did not help. It made me angry. Maybe it is wrong to question myself when faced with something that nobody else seems to be bothered with. Maybe not. I am by no means the smart one; after all, I’ve just been questioning whether or not I would have been in the wrong to punch a man for what I felt was inappropriate behaviour towards the woman he knew was interested in him.

But, then, what good would that do us? I can’t force anybody to look at things my way, and I know better than to assume that morality and ethics are set in stone. Besides, she seems happy enough, and I don’t really have a say in the way things go between them. It is their story, I suppose, and she is an adult who can take care of herself. After all, this was a one-off occurrence, and I cannot judge the man from it – I had only just met him, after all. But how often does something have to occur for it to be considered part of one’s character – part of, to put it bluntly, being an asshole? And where do we draw the line for interference, then?

Perhaps I am just angry at my inability to articulate all this to her. Or perhaps I’m just angry at the world and myself for letting small injustices occur.

In other news, I foolishly advised a friend of mine that it was better to hate someone than to just feel numb. I forgot to point out that anger and hatred lead to feeling numb, because they are such exhausting emotions.

I suppose that could mean I’m always walking around with this anger. Yet I am numb enough to let it simmer quietly beneath the surface most of the time, until it flares up again.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s