Just not impressed

Being  unemployed is frustrating. I daresay it’s equally as frustrating as being “stuck” in the wrong job. Then again, I suppose in the latter case, it’s just a case of earning a specific amount of money every month, repressing a deluded desire for job satisfaction and just “getting on with it”.

I don’t know. Back when my mother was at work (she’s retired now), she hated her job and reminded us of it every day. Admittedly, I think it was more her colleagues who made her sick to her stomach rather than her job, but it didn’t make her any less grumpy or depressed.

Methinks job satisfaction is important to the human beans.  After all, isn’t that what Hollywood films strive for? In a film, when a person is in the “wrong job”, they somehow are magically discovered and find their “true calling”. Who’s to say Hollywood doesn’t reflect real life?

However, in the depths of an economic crisis, where even ethical legitimacy of a state comes under question (see: Greece), how on earth do you drag yourself out of the dreary (and apparently terrifying) masses of the unemployed? The longer you have no job, the more frustrated you get. I’ve been told you even start to resemble a vampire, what with the media’s assumption that all people who are unemployed magically turn into the bloodsuckers of the state.

Anyhow, a few weeks ago, Crime and punishment at the Citz demonstrated what happens when you try to step outside the societal norms in difficult times, and follow your “animal” instinct; in this case, the little voice inside your head that says “that person has done me wrong and needs to be punished”.

Revenge can be a great incentive to do something.

Of course, while Dostoyevsky’s work is an interesting profile of a man who killed someone, it’s unclear what his motives are. He mentions his main character (whose name I unfortunately can’t spell) lives in terrible conditions – I think he might even have been described as a “destitute student” – but the way Chris Hannan’s theatrical adaptation was constructed, the crime doesn’t appear to be linked to his desperation.

Admittedly, as a wolf who is currently unemployed (or would that be underemployed?), I experience extremely strong flashes of anger and frustration. Then again, I am generally an angry individual. I might not walk around swearing at people, but anger is one of the strongest emotions I know how to feel.  I waste a great deal of time sitting in that mood, wanting to go out and do things, but very quickly deciding it might be better if I don’t. I’m particularly talented at discouraging myself from doing things once I get very excited about them.

Either way, the demonization of the unemployed can have its basis in reality, but it seems to be lovingly taken too far. Being unemployed does not mean I walk around with a knife in my back pocket, or sitting at the edge of the street waiting for someone wealthy-looking to take ’em down and steal their wallet. Being unemployed – in my case – means I sit here, looking for jobs, writing a lot, glaring at people who approach me, and yearning for another cup of coffee every once in a while.

But overall, I’m just not impressed with myself, or with the way the system works. Sending out 10 CVs a day doesn’t seem to make a difference. Really not impressed. That’s why I write; I step outside the system for the duration of the writing. And the system is no wiser.

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