[Disclaimer: I am not a relationship guru of any sort. Anyone who says they are is full of shit. I find treating people with respect is often harder than we think it is.]
To quote Diane Torr (whose name I have been spelling wrong for some reason, for which I apologise sincerely!) : “pornography is our sexual culture. If you say ‘no’ to it, you have to offer an alternative.”
She has a point. Meeting people while inebriated in a semi-dark room with music thumping is not a very helpful or useful model for making informed choices. Of course, the level of inebriation does depend on individual drinking habits, yet it can be quite an inhibitor regardless.
That’s not to say it isn’t fun; I love dancing as much as the next fellow. After all, if you think about it statistically, meeting someone in the masses that inhabit the fast, frenzied environment of a club would mean you have a 50-50 shot of finding someone equally as bizarre as you; or someone who is drunk enough to think they are and is put under pressure by society to find “their other half”. It is the mating dance at the end of the day.
But does “the other half” even exist? Or is it just our own imposition of our values onto a fictional person, some Prince or Princess Charming who will turn up and magically fulfil our deepest needs? Is it not just a fictional gap that we feel relieved to match to real human beings? We all say relationships are hard, and take a lot of effort, but somehow make it even harder for ourselves to get out of unhealthy ones. If you are not happy being the second half of that relationship, why stay in it? What’s with this insane pressure to be “in love” or even just to be in a relationship?
I dunno what love is, and I think it’s quite difficult to explore that in one blog post anyway. But isn’t it possible love is just a comfortable compromise for both (or more) parties? Call me cynical, but people know when they are in love. And so any action thereafter is assumed to be an act of love – credited to the “folly” of falling in love – which somehow removes responsibility from either of the two (or more) people in the relationship.
Of course, it’s easy to be cynical when I’m not interested in something like that right now.
One of my dearest friends has most recently got into a relationship, and somehow seems bent on infecting me with the relationship fever by fixing me up with people. It’s quite frustrating, really.
It’s possible to say that love is quite an abusive thing, isn’t it? If reduced down to a power-play, then it can be quite manipulative. So where does that leave us? Maybe we all chase our ideal love-fantasy shit to the death, and some of us just find someone who “fits the profile”. If that’s the case, it’s quite depressing, to be honest, and I can see why people in the club drink until they can’t see who they are talking to, and then make a move on someone. Desire and lust seem much more justifiable (although by no means any less complex).
Love. Pah. As sentient, ‘logical’ beings, we really do throw that phrase around a lot. I guess you wouldn’t believe I can be quite the romantic.