I have just registered as self-employed. Not sure whether that’s a wise move, but it seems that is basically what I am doing most of the time anyhow – just not fully paid for my services yet. Part of me is scared shitless (to put it mildly) but part of me also recognises that I can actually do this.
Also, I recognise this comes from quite a privileged position, since my parents are helping out with finances at the moment. Yet this seems like the best way to go about things, since I can’t seem to get a break with even part time jobs… just need to do SOMETHING to make some money for myself, in the way I know how.
See you on the other side.
Time becomes a different thing when you are unemployed. Aside from the endless job applications, unless you have a part time job, it becomes a game of “what shall I do today? ” simply to fill time. Obviously, hobbies and interests are a great asset in this, but can become quite cumbersome after a while. As these are meant to be things you enjoy, doing them to fill time rather than for their own sake, seems a bit problematic.
I am by no means suggesting this is how all unemployed people spend their time. I can only speak for me. In my case, I have given up on most of my hobbies, felt demotivated and incapable of time management.
Whenever anyone gives me a deadline, I find it extremely easy to “piss about” for days before it, until I have to do any work. Of course, this might be me being rather lazy and quite self conscious. Since I discovered I can do work in less time if I simply spend a day or two of focusing on it, time has become a bizarre animal. That is not to say I don’t work hard, but if you knew you do three day’s work simply by focusing for 2 hours, wouldn’t you just do it and be done with it?
Of course, that means there is more time left for other things… which I have no clue what to do with.
Adulthood: where dreams go to die.
While November is usually the month for taking on writing challenges, I have decided I will create a challenge for myself – mainly due to lack of motivation. If I force myself to write a paragraph, nay even just a sentence, a day, I will be able to keep it fresh, keep the juices flowing, the cranks a-working, and then hopefully, I will not get so frustrated about it all.
Well…. I hope.
So, February shall be my write-one-thing-a-day month challenge. One thing a day – that could be a line, a sentence, a paragraph, a novel… ANYTHING. I JUST NEED TO WRITE. And you out there – yes, you – shall be my witnesses.
I am your chains
I am your pain
I am your disdain
Snarling behind the smile you feign.
I am the rage
I am an empty stage
I am the blank page
Haunting your soul with every breath I take.
I am the night
I am the darkness
I am the eternally famished vampire
Bleeding open your heart.
You wear me like a second skin
An excuse? Or armour?
Yet despise what you find yourself in.
I am the guilt
I am the disappointment
I am the hatred
I don’t feel like writing. The urge to put my thoughts in writing has diminished. I suppose I would usually write about the lack of inspiration, but I am completely averse to the idea.
Anyway, here’s a picture of a pen.