Freedom?

I have just registered as self-employed. Not sure whether that’s a wise move, but it seems that is basically what I am doing most of the time anyhow – just not fully paid for my services yet. Part of me is scared shitless (to put it mildly) but part of me also recognises that I can actually do this.

Also, I recognise this comes from quite a privileged position, since my parents are helping out with finances at the moment. Yet this seems like the best way to go about things, since I can’t seem to get a break with even part time jobs… just need to do SOMETHING to make some money for myself, in the way I know how.

See you on the other side.

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Idle?

Time becomes a different thing when you are unemployed. Aside from the endless job applications, unless you have a part time job, it becomes a game of “what shall I do today? ” simply to fill time.  Obviously, hobbies and interests are a great asset in this,  but can become quite cumbersome after a while. As these are meant to be things you enjoy, doing them to fill time rather than for their own sake,  seems a bit problematic.

I am by no means suggesting this is how all unemployed people spend their time. I can only speak for me. In my case, I have given up on most of my hobbies, felt demotivated and incapable of time management.

Whenever anyone gives me a deadline,  I find it extremely easy to “piss about” for days before it, until I have to do any work. Of course,  this might be me being rather lazy and quite self conscious. Since I discovered I can do work in less time if I simply spend a day or two of focusing on it, time has become a bizarre animal. That is not to say I don’t work hard, but if you knew you do three day’s work simply by focusing for 2 hours, wouldn’t you just do it and be done with it?

Of course,  that means there is more time left for other things… which I have no clue what to do with.

Writing challenge

While November is usually the month for taking on writing challenges, I have decided I will create a challenge for myself – mainly due to lack of motivation. If I force myself to write a paragraph, nay even just a sentence, a day, I will be able to keep it fresh, keep the juices flowing, the cranks a-working, and then hopefully, I will not get so frustrated about it all.

Well…. I hope.

So, February shall be my write-one-thing-a-day month challenge. One thing a day – that could be a line, a sentence, a paragraph, a novel… ANYTHING. I JUST NEED TO WRITE. And you out there – yes, you – shall be my witnesses.

 

Shadow

I am your chains

I am your pain

I am your disdain

Snarling behind the smile you feign.

I am the rage

I am an empty stage

I am the blank page

Haunting your soul with every breath I take.

I am the night

I am the darkness

I am the eternally famished vampire

Bleeding open your heart.

You wear me like a second skin

An excuse? Or armour?

Yet despise what you find yourself in.

I am the guilt

I am the disappointment

I am the hatred

I am

the shadow.