It’s been a while since not sleeping has resulted in me actually sitting up to write something. The lack of a fancy laptop that would ordinarily give me access to Youtube and Netflix means I kind of have to confront myself at this hour of the morning (3:44 a.m. to be exact) rather than sinking into another distraction that numbs my thoughts till sleep returns.

What is going on? The ol’brain has started to feel like a very busy roundabout, with thoughts streaming in from every direction, bustling to move on to the next part of their journey. That might not be a great analogy… Anyway, can’t sleep – or won’t sleep?

Since a friend of mine introduced me to Dreamwidth (a sort of blogging-community platform) I find myself gravitating back towards writing again, which is great! Then again, I’ve been out of action for quite a while, meaning it’s going to take a lot of work to get back into the swing of things. But nothing worth doing ever came easy, right?

I realise in retrospect that this post isn’t really about the specific thoughts that might be keeping me awake (or infiltrating my sleep). I suspect I just want to acknowledge that I am awake, and in a writing mood again. No fiction, no fanfare, just a weary grizzly-faced wolf returning to his ‘calling’.

As the song goes, maybe this time…. maybe this time, something will stick. I haven’t wanted or needed to write anything without losing motivation halfway through for a very long time (about 6 months to be exact). Maybe it’s because I’m going back home, back to where it all began? Yes, I’m packing up and moving back… feels like being in Glesga was a bit of a failed expedition, but when back home, I can gather my thoughts, find my focus again, and muster my strength to figure out the next move. Isn’t there a song someplace about ‘you gotta know when to hold ’em, and you gotta know when to fold ’em’?

Returning to writing would be a kind of coming home in itself, I guess, after dabbling in performance (while being too chicken to actually go out and try my hand at it outside a learning environment).

Anyway, time to hit the sack (or in this case, the couch with the really warm duvet and pillows). Hopefully this brief interlude means I will be back soon.



2. Maybe this time – Liza Minelli (From Cabaret) :

3. ‘You gotta know when to hold ’em…’ : The Gambler – Kenny Rogers